Friday, June 5, 2020

Parent child communication By Idris Tauheed

I would like to shade more light on the meaning of whom is a parent and communication in this regard to bring home my points without much difficulties?
Regards to this topic, parent is someone who supports, encourages and cares for the needs of his/her child and understands his/her feelings and also look after his/her well-being and takes all the responsibilities until a child is grown up to be on his/her own and in return pays back at the parents old age. So also, communication may mean the relationship between the parents and the children... The freedom a child may have to express his/herself to his/her parents in terms of life threatening without fear, shame or shaking of the mouth to share the most inner feelings of life.

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But most parents today especially we Africans deny our children this right. We are brainwashed by the tradition and culture that our old age grandfathers and mothers had practised many years ago and we still live and want to pass it on to our new generation even at this age of civilization. Many children had wished they could tell their Mums or Dads about their lives living affairs and seek advice from them. But instead, they prefer taken in a stranger because it's obvious that some Africans' parents would never give you a listening ear. Instead, that child would be tagged as "Someone who has no fear or respect for his/her elders and the whole society turns to be against him/her." It's only in few homes in my country even at this 21st century that you would see some parents relating to their children in a good manner, asking them of their feelings, needs, willing to know of what makes them happy or sad, taking time to tell them good stories about life that they may learn and emulate a good habit to stay out of trouble and live a successful life. Like my Dad, as he had always done in the past, he would share with us his life's story and experience and we really learnt a lot from it. Unlike my mum, who thinks it's not necessary or we may grow up to learn it ourselves and denies us this right... Although she has trained us well, we don't have that gut or audacity to relate or play with her as we all did with our Dad. He had showed us much love and compassion at the time we needed it the most that we felt free to ask, engage him in our discussion and he even laughed with us when we joked and made fond of one another.

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In Africa, particularly, Nigeria, a child's mouth is being sealed with fear to talk, suggest or discuss any matter before his/her parents without being commanded with a phrase like: "Shut up your mouth! "Are you the only one here?!" "Must you show us that you are wiser than us?!" "Next time let me hear you talk like that again!". With all these intimidation, next time, a child may be afraid to speak out his/her mind so as not to be abused, embarrassed or beaten by his/her parent who had warned him/her previously. With this kind of harshness and bringing up, many children have lost their confidence in telling their parents what they wanted at a time and what they didn't like sometimes but pretended to love the life they lived and also hid their real images in the presence of their parents who thought to know them better. The children had always wished they could communicate with their parents and discuss with them about their lives issues. However, whenever this needs arise, they chose to go to their friends who advised them wrongly or decided to imitate and follow someone's footsteps without minding whether it's is right or not as far as someone is doing it, they can also do the same and before the parents can stop them; it may be too late... We had always put the blames on the child but the parents should be the one to blame for this. In this way, some had lost their true selves, chosen to live another life and at times even gone ahead to commit suicide in order to terminate their lives out of worry and frustration thinking that it's the only best option left to them and the right way to deal with life at that particular moment because they lack anyone to share their feelings and story together as everyone seems to be busy with his/her life. And the parents whose responsibilities are also among guiding, encouraging, supporting, caring for these children turn their face away or shun it totally..

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I think it's the right time we correct ourselves, do away with some unhealthy culture attitude and start living in a good relationship with our children like other most civilized countries in the world.

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